Parenting the Overweight Teen - Modeling Healthy Behavior

"I remember the exact moment when I knew that Stuart had a serious weight problem. We went to the pediatrician for his 14-year-old check-up and the doctor said my son was clinically obese. He has always been big for his age but everyone thought he would start to outgrow it when he became an adolescent. I feel like this is my fault, but I don't know what to do. Help!
~ Jeanette P. ~

There is both bad and good news for Mrs. P.

On the down side, Stuart is among the approximately 15 percent of children between the ages of 6 and 19 who are overweight or obese -- a 10 percent increase since the 1970s. These more than 9 million youngsters are at risk of suffering an impaired quality of life -- high blood pressure, high cholesterol levels, type 2 diabetes and a negative self image -- that will continue into adulthood.

Furthermore, studies indicate that a child who is obese at age 6 has a 50 percent chance of becoming an obese adult. If that child is still is significantly overweight at age 10, the chances of becoming an obese adult increase to 70 percent. And if one or both parents is overweight, the odds rise to 80 percent.

These are sobering and scary statistics for a parent of an overweight child.

Good News
The good news is that with help from the adults in his life, Stuart can learn healthier behaviors relative to eating and physical activity, and this will increase the likelihood of weight loss. In most cases, becoming more selective in the types of foods consumed, and increasing the amount of physical activity will produce positive results.

It must be stressed that formal dieting, and especially severe diet restrictions, should be attempted only with medical approval and appropriate nutritional supervision. Most pediatricians believe the best course is to try to hold the overweight child's weight steady, avoiding large weight gains until his or her height catches up to a healthier proportion.

The following four steps can facilitate healthier eating habits and increase physical activity:

Step One: Assessing Reality
Before making any personal or environmental changes, take a few minutes to survey your home life. Are sedentary habits and overeating opportunities subtly encouraged? If so, focus on bringing gradual changes into these areas.

For example, how many hours a day does your child watch television or sit at the computer? TV-watching alone accounts for 24 hours a week of sedentary behavior for the average youngster. Log this activity for a week and consider reducing this time by half.

How about meals? Do family members gather around the table, or is most eating "unconscious" and done in front of the TV, computer or while talking on the phone? Try making it a family rule that all food consumption -- including snacks -- must take place at the kitchen or dining room table. This small change has been shown to significantly reduce overeating.

Take a close look at your refrigerator and at your food cabinets. What foods are likely to catch the eye when hunger strikes? If they are high-fat, sweetened and/or low in nutritional value, try stocking healthier alternatives that include fresh fruit and vegetables.

Step Two: No Shame, No Blame
No one -- adult, nor child -- can be shamed into losing weight. An overweight youth knows he or she weighs too much. What that young person doesn't know is how to achieve a normal weight and increase self-esteem. Kids want to know that their parents love them unconditionally -- fat, thin or in the middle.

As adults, we must master the fine art of loving our children just the way they are while helping them to achieve healthier bodies. We must learn to "give time, time" and have faith that the lessons we teach will one day come to fruition.

This means we can teach a youngster to visualize a nutritionally "healthy plate" -- one half-filled with salad and vegetables, one-fourth filled with starches and the remaining one-fourth filled with protein, such as poultry, fish, meat or soy -- while knowing that some days he or she will sneak cookies or candy into the house and upset this delicate balance.

We can persist in teaching our children to "see" their plate before they put food on it because this action creates a sense of portion control that is useful when parents are not around to monitor food intake. And it is a tool that is empowering when our children go to a party or sleepover where food is unrestricted.

And yes, we can practice portion control on our own plates and at restaurants.

Step Three: Physical Activity as a Family Affair
The Surgeon General's recommendation for moderate physical activity is at least 30 minutes for adults and 60 minutes for children, several days a week. For weight loss, even greater activity may be necessary.

How do members of your family measure against this standard?

An easy and fun way to break the pattern of a sedentary lifestyle is to schedule family activities that involve movement. Not only do such actions burn calories, they can serve as a setting for uninterrupted parent-child communication. In the teen years, such intimate opportunities are often at a premium.

There is little financial cost in going for a walk in the park or riding a bike. Most communities have both indoor and outdoor swimming facilities at nominal fees. The simple act of walking the family dog together in the evening is an activity that not only makes Rover happy but can increase your metabolism.

Step Four: Be the Behavior(s) You Want to Encourage
The best tool we have to help our overweight and obese children is our own behavior. It is an old but true adage that kids do as adults do, not as we say.

We cannot ask them to turn off the television when we are watching TV in another room or spending hours surfing the Web. Nor can we tell them to restrict portions when we make no effort to monitor our own food intake at home and at commercial buffets. Why would kids want to drink spring water and munch on carrots while the adults in their life drink sugar-filled soda and chomp on potato chips?

Each step takes us a little further along the road to healthy living. It truly is a one-day-at-a-time process for both parent and child. But the process is well worth the effort.

By the way, Mrs. P. did follow the four steps outlined above. It was harder for her (and her husband) to adjust to the new regimen than it was for Stuart. But they all have lost weight (including Sam, their Golden Retriever) and are using the money saved by not buying junk food to take a trip to Disney World.

Copyright 2004 Judy Shepps Battle